Wine-Maker, Wine -Maker, Make Him a Match!

Well, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. And no, I don’t mean the Holidays, when we celebrate family, friends and God’s greatest gift…I mean, it’s time for a new season of the Bachelor! A time when we celebrate spending the next ten Mondays laughing and crying with 25 crazy ladies and the one "lucky" man!

I’ll be on a cruise during the big Jan 2nd premiere, but it's a Carnival ship, so basically it’s a floating Bachelor/Bachelorette episode.

So, until I return from my trip and catch up on what I missed, let’s kick things off with a little pre-season Bachelor-land update.

This season’s Bachelor is none other than wine-maker Ben Flajnak, our favorite Josh Groban look-alike (and no, this picture is not acceptable).

When we last saw Ben he was piiiiiiissed that Ashley picked JP and rejected his proposal while on bended-knee. But, as I pointed out, he was in the better position…likely able to seize the opportunity to become the Bachelor and pick a less-obnoxious woman.

I’m sure ABC threw some quality gals into his lot of 25 hopefuls, but from the looks of the previews, they also threw in Ben’s fair share of doosies. Lots of crazies who have decided they are in love with Ben (well, in love with the idea of owning a winery and living in Sonoma) before even meeting him.

Who knows how this adventure will turn out for Ben, and although the dismal track record, I always hold out a little hope that it turns out well. But what I do know for sure is that we’re going to have a great time!

How do I know this? Because of previews like this one that remind me of how empty and meaningless my Monday evenings have been since having to say goodbye to the crazy coeds on “The Bachelor Pad.” And did you watch that show? ‘Cause it was fantastic.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5H4nf9XPEY&feature=related

And if you really want to get into the Bachelor spirit, here’s an extended promo.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2EUJs7_9Dj4

In other Bachelor-land news, Ali and Roberto have called it quits. This comes as a shock after they postponed their wedding 13.5 times.
Vienna and Casey, my (least) favorite Bachelor Pad-ers, have also broken up.
But thanks be to the Reality TV Gods, they will be appearing on a show called “Couples Therapy” on VH1 to try to work out their issues. Who votes it’s a fake breakup just to get back on TV!?! Me, me, me, me!

I will not be watching that ridiculousness. My reality TV heart is reserved for the Bachelor…and “Dance Moms,” but that’s another story.

Until next time, wishing you a very merry Christmas and a safe and happy new year!

Beth

The Bachelorette Week 10: The Final Rose

And the winner is…JP!

But you know that because that was Monday. And today is Wednesday. I'm slow as molasses.

I, like Ben, was surprised. I thought it was winemaker Ben’s proposal that Ashley was going to accept. Ben thought so, too. He was obnoxiously confident going into the rose ceremony and was not pleased with Ashley when she said no. In fact, he was a jerk. And a dumb jerk at that.

What he should have realized is that being the runner-up is actually like winning the reality tv lottery. The runner up gets to be the next Bachelor and actually pick a girl he really does like! I'm afraid Ben might have blown that chance. And yes, in the picture below, Ben does have his hair inexplicably shaved underneath his wavy locks.

But I really shouldn't be too hard on him for being upset and confused. Only the day before, Ashley took Ben to a healing mud bath for their final date. There, they stripped down to their swim suits and slathered the mud all over each other. Ashley even made a joke about wishing she could apply mud to his nether-regions.
And after cleaning off and returning to the fantasy suite, Ben told Ashley he loved her and she responded quite favorably with a make-out session. I’m sure that all of this was really fun for JP to watch on Monday night!

So why did Ashley pick JP? "Burning passion." That’s why. When describing the men that she would be introducing to her family, Ashley mentioned the “burning passion” she has for JP. While Ben was described as fun, outgoing, goofy and successful. Her heart vs. her head. She chose her heart.
Another reason Ben was thrown for a loop is that, despite the fact that Ashley was ready to accept a proposal, just two days before she admitted she didn’t know who she wanted it to come from. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think this bodes well for the long-term success of Ashley’s relationship with JP. And I quote…

Ashley’s Sister: Are you in love?
Ashley: Yes
Ashley’s Sister: Are you ready to get engaged?
Ashley: Yes
Ashley’s Sister: Do you have your mind made up?
Ashley: No

Side story about Ashley’s sister, Chrystie. A newly single mother, she was recently on an episode of "Extreme Couponing" and writes the blog: ilovetogossip.com about extreme couponing.
Don't know what extreme couponing is? Well, Chrystie will tell you a little about it in this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRkWnOGzkdw

So anyway, Chrystie didn't like JP and Ashley together. I’m not sure why and she had me thoroughly confused when she told Ashley that she was thinking about the logistics of the relationship.

I don’t know how, logistically speaking, she thought a relationship with Ben (who lives in California) made more sense than a relationship with JP (who lives in New York) for Ashley (who lives in Philadelphia). Philly to NYC = 2 hour drive. Philly to California = 6 hour flight.

Moving on…

Despite being a Ben fan all season, there was a distinct moment in this episode when I realized, oh no, he’s not the one. And it was when he went ring “shopping.” Of course, he was only “shopping” because he used Monopoly money to “buy” Ashley’s ring. And Park Place and Boardwalk.
Sex and the City fans. Remember when Aiden is showering and Carrie rummages through his duffle bag and finds an engagement ring? A really ugly engagement ring? And Carrie runs over to the sink to throw up?

Well, that’s all I could think of when Ben was ring “shopping” with Neil Lane. He picked the most over-the-top, bedazzled “My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding” ring I have ever seen. Nothing about that ring screamed Ashley. It was puke-in-the-sink worthy.

But JP’s choice?
That was the ring that Samantha helped Aiden pick out to replace the yucky one. The ring that got Carrie Bradshaw to say “yes.”
Now, remember. Despite the fact that Carrie said yes to Aiden’s proposal…they never made it to the altar. I wish better things for Ashley and JP, and am encouraged by the fact that Ashley is moving to New York to be with him, but the Bachelor/Bachelorette track record ain't so good.

But when they do break up, they can join the likes of Jake, Vienna and Casey on...the Bachelor Pad!!!
Woohoo! And it all starts next week!

What I'm most excited about on this season of the Bachelor Pad is that Ames will be on it, which will be great for two reasons.

1: He doesn't have a mean bone in his body, so a game about using and abusing people to win $250,000 will be hiliarous. He'll probably just offer to give people 250 grand from his trust fund if they'll please stop fighting.

And 2: I think Ames gets a girlfriend! Yeah for Ames!


Well, it's been fun, friends. See you next season...bound to be the most dramatic season ever!

Beth

The Bachelorette Week 9: Fantasy Fiji

Ok, remember Solar Power Ryan? Remember how he was shocked when Ashley let him go. He was the only one who didn't see it coming; the only who who didn't see that they were lacking any chemistry. Well, Ryan didn’t feel like he and Ashley got a fair shake at love, so he called Chris Harrison and scored a free trip to Fiji in return for another broken heart.

Ashley arrived in Fiji for a week of romantic dates with Ben, JP and Constantine. But surprise, Ryan knocked on Ashley’s door, having traveled from California to see her again. He recited the speech he had rehearsed on his long journey to Fiji, asking her to spend some time with him in the next couple days, to see if a spark was still there. (Spark? What spark?) He asked her not to give him an answer right then and there, but to let him know if she wants to hang out.

So, he spent the next two days spying on Ashley as she went on dates with the guys she is attracted to.

The first slumber party in Fiji was with Ben. But before they could retire to their fantasy suite, they snuggled and slathered sunscreen all over each other (see photo, viewer discretion advised) on a beautiful yacht.


After cleaning up they were off to a dinner, where Ben said he was on his way to “the whole I love you thing.” As if Ben hadn’t already earned his fantasy suite card, that did it, and the two scurried off to the room. There, they hopped into the pool and Ashley got to use the underwater leg wraparound technique for the first time this season (but not the last!). She wore her second bathing suit of the day, but you know what they say, “Two swimsuits, one rose, one stays…nah, both go.” And Ben carried her away to the bedroom. End scene. At least, that’s an end to what we could see.

“Greek God” Constantine’s Fiji date was next. And since they hadn’t even French kissed yet, I was interested in seeing how this fantasy suite thing would develop. Their date included a Bachelor/Bachelorette staple…a helicopter ride. After taking to the air, they took to the water, jumping into a beautiful waterfall. But what Constantine won’t jump into is this relationship with Ashley.

Ashley noted that Constantine doesn’t make decisions quickly; he takes his time. For example, he looked at 102 houses before choosing one to buy. I found my house in 3 hours. Ashley's looking for a guy who house shops like me. A guy who thinks she’s a steal and is ready to hand over that down payment without looking any further. There’s likely going to be a better house going on the market soon, but it’s just not worth the wait and you can always remodel that flat chest, I mean, ugly bathroom.

Ashley confronted Constantine about his lack of desire to even put an offer in on the house. Constantine admitted that yes, he doesn’t even need another showing…he’s gonna’ keep house hunting. So Constantine bid Ashley adieu before she had the chance to offer him the fantasy suite card.

Meanwhile, Ryan was waiting to see if Ashley would give him a second chance. She knocked on Ryan’s door the next day and he could feel it, this was it. Unfortunately for Ryan, it wasn’t. Ashley reiterated to him that he’s perfect on paper but the passion is simply not there. And then she rubbed it in by telling him that she has that passion with someone else...two people, actually. And she's sooooo happy. So Ryan was sent home, his Fiji Fantasy Suite only a...well, fantasy.

Once that was taken care of, Ashley could continue with her final overnight date. It was JP’s turn for some x’s and o’s, which he received in the air (float plane) and sea (wading in the ocean). JP also got his turn with the underwater leg wraparound. It’s only fair. And because everyone knows how much I love calling out that signature Bachelorette move, at that moment a friend sent me a text saying, “Underwater Leg Wraparound!!!”

As the evening progressed, Ashley and JP made their way to the fantasy suite, where Ashley changed into a see-through night shirt. Then ABC excused themselves from the fantasy suite.

The next day, Chris Harrison and Ashley rehashed the events of the week. Ashley "...the most important thing I learned was, even at this stage, people can have a change of heart. Or people can realize that, you know, they're not ready to take the plunge, they're not ready to get engaged. Even. At. This. Point." Ashley, it's been two months! Only the normal guys aren't ready to get engaged. Even. At. This. Point.

"Next week I'm going to be engaged...hopefully. So, I think I need to find out sooner or later if the guys feel like they are ready for that with me." Oh, Ashley, Ashley, Ashley. I really hope for her that she finds lasting love with Ben or JP, but I see her choosing the guy who convinces her that they are more ready for an engagement, regardless of whether or not it will end in a happily ever after.

This can't be a recipe for success. But we'll find out next week on the season finale followed by "After the Final Rose." Before then, we have the bonus of the "Men tell all" on Sunday. The best part? Bentley will be there!

Until next week!
Beth

The Bachlorette Week 8: Hometown Dates with "Assley"

It’s hometown date week with our final four: Constantine, Ames, JP and Ben.


Hometown 1: Constantine’s Cumming, Georgia

Upon arriving in Georgia, Constantine took Ashley to his family’s Greek-inspired Italian American restaurant, where they made a pizza. Clearly in his element, Constatine showed his cute personality for the first time this season. The best part was the gaggle of waitresses who were spying on the pair as they shared a kiss on the restaurant patio. Awwwww.

Next it was off to Constantine’s Big Fat Greek family’s house for another meal. At first Constantine’s Greek family was small…just mom, dad, sister and a toy poodle in a dress. But then the flood gates opened and there were Greeks coming out of the woodwork, which made for an awesome dance party.


Ashley’s dancing skills impressed Constantine’s family, particularly his father, who would be delighted to have “Assley” become an honorary Greek family member. Considering Ashley loves to flaunt her…assets…this new nickname couldn’t be more appropriate.


Hometown 2: Ames’ Estate in Chadds Ford, Pensylvania

Ok, so, Ames grew up in a postcard. A beautiful property with horses and a river running through it. But it wasn't enough to woo Ashley.

While lounging in the indoor pool, Ames’ sister immediately got to the punch. Ames likes Ashley, but Ashley doesn’t like Ames (at least in THAT way). Asking Ashley how she feels about her brother, Ashley was very honest with Ames’ sister saying, yeah, I’m not there yet, but he’s an interesting guy and I want to get to know him better. Clearly, there is no spark, and I don’t see the passion appearing out of nowhere. But sister Serena did leave Ames with excellent advice…to step up the romance.

So, he did. He packed a gourmet picnic and took Ashley to a beautiful magnolia tree. It was lovely and Ames is so clearly a very special, very unique, very kind, very intelligent person…who happens to be a bad kisser. Done.


Post-picnic the pair took a horse-drawn carriage ride through the woods in an antique carriage. It was exactly like a scene from “The First Knight” as Guinevere is being delivered to Arthur. Wanna’ know how that ends up? Arthur is brilliant, he’s a leader, and he’s a king. He can give Guinevere anything she’s ever wanted for, except for passion. So she chooses Lancelot…she chooses lust. I’m afraid Ames is the Arthur in this fairytale. Who will be Lancelot? We’ll see!


Hometown #3: Winemaker Ben’s Sonoma, California

Another picture-perfect setting for a hometown date…Ben’s winery, where they thieved wine directly from Ben’s barrels before heading to Ben’s mother’s house. Good thing they were drinking because Ben freaked Ashley out before the trip home to meet mama, telling her that his mother and sister’s opinions are deal breaks. And let me tell ya, despite the fact that Ben’s sister signed him up for this show, she was a tough nut to crack.


I’m willing to place some bets that Ben is our Lancelot. And not just because of his Richard Gere hair.

Hometown #4: JP’s Roslyn, New York

From sea to shining sea. Ashley headed east to meet JP’s mama, but not until after their super rad 80’s roller skating date. Empty rink + disco ball + cheesy music + wine in paper cups = 7th grade make out session.

As we’ve learned before, JP has had his heart broken (badly) in the past. And he’s willing to risk heartbreak again for the chance at love with Ashley. But JP’s mama isn’t so sure…she doesn’t want to see her son destroyed again. So, she sat Ashley down and laid on the guilt trip…real thick.


In the end, it was no surprise that King Arthur (Ames) was sent home. And he exited the show with the poise and charm (and stiffness) that we have come to expect from (and love about) Ames. Ames wants to find love, and share his adventurous spirit with a wonderful woman. You'll find her, Ames. I'm sure of it!

Unfortunately he just isn't going to find her in Fiji, where Lancelot and the rest of the Knights of the Round Table will enjoy overnight dates and hot tub time with "Assley" next week.

But it looks as though Ashley has more drama headed her way before this fairy tale finds its happy ending. A return from a surprise bachelor and some tough love from a heavily tattooed sister.

See you in Figi!

Beth

The Bachelorette Week 7: Taiwhiney Taiwany

The pressure was on this week as Ashley and her six remaining bachelors made their way to Taiwan…their final destination before hometown dates.

The show got off to a great start when we saw Ames in much too short blue Adidas track pants, white nurse sneakers and a lumberjack flannel shirt. He’s really smart, but somehow he forgot that cameras would be following him around. Cameras that will televise whatever he’s wearing…for all of the single women of America to see.

But, even bad dressers deserve to find love, so let’s get back to it.

Ashley and Constantine spent the first day together, taking a train to a small village during a lantern festival. They spent their date talking about how slowly their relationship is developing…which was like watching a tea kettle boil. The tea kettle finally got luke warm and they shared a kiss or two.

Ben the wine maker got the next one-on-one date…and that tea kettle boiled. And made steam pour out of the other guys’ ears (especially JP’s) because Ben didn’t come back to the hotel that night! Tisk tisk tisk. But, I can’t really blame Ashley. Who wouldn’t want to spend the night with this?

Ben claimed they didn’t share a room, but ABC didn’t televise any part of the slumber party, so I think he was just sparing the other fellas’ feelings.

The group date was next, with Ames, JP and Lucas. And it was weird. So was Ames’ outfit…again. Let me explain. Gray cargo pants + blue long sleeve t-shirt with military details + blue Converse = ridiculous. The only excuse I can come up with is it they lost his luggage on the way to Taiwan. Let us pray.

Why was the date weird? Well, they went to a bridal district to take wedding photos. Weird weird weird. And even weirder is that Ashley said this would give her an idea of what it would be like to get married to the guys. Would it? Really?

After forcing the guys to wear ridiculous outfits…surprise, surprise…no one had any fun. They each complained to Ashley about how hard this is, how bad the day was and the Taiwhiniest of them all, JP, ended up getting the rose.

Mr. Positivity, Ryan, was having the best week ever when he got his very first long-awaited one-on-one date. Ryan was terribly excited about this date, thinking their relationship was peaches and cream. It wasn’t so peachy for Ashley, who wasn’t really excited about eco-Ryan’s lecture about tankless water heaters. Ryan was ready to install one in Ashley’s house, but she wasn’t “feeling it.” She let him go right then and there. He was so excited for this date, but instead, a dark cloud ruined Mr. Sunshine’s perfect day and he even…cursed!


Well, I know a little ray of sunshine named Beth and I know for a fact that she’s dying to have a tankless water heater before her 25 yr old energy guzzler explodes! Ryan. Call me! Seriously, he’s on Linked In…should I stalk?

We'd make a cute couple, right?





With just one more man to eliminate before the hometown dates, Ashley was sure of her decision and decided to bypass the cocktail party and get to the punch and say goodbye to Lucas. No love lost there, on either side.

So, since ratings are down 10% this season, Chris Harrison needed to carve 20 minutes of this episode out for last season’s “winner” Emily. While Chris says Emily and Brad seemed like they were “meant to be,” they are no longer together. Well, I’m shocked...that it took this long! I appreciate that Emily didn’t want the viewers to feel “lied to,” but really, two paragraphs in US Weekly would have been sufficient. But, now that she's dodged the Brad bullet, she's well positioned to be the next Bachelorette.


Next week we’ll be heading home with Constantine, JP, Ames (I can’t wait to visit his estate for some tea and crumpets!) and frontrunner Ben.

Looking forward to it!
Beth

The Bachelorette Week 6: Wash that man right outta' your hair

It’s Wednesday and I’m watching this week’s episode of The Bachelorette for a second time. Thwarted by a storm, which never made it to my house, and the constant meteorologist interruptions, I missed some of the most crucial drama…when Ashley got her period.

That sounds weird, but I’m talking about punctuation.

I was not talking about punctuation when, in elementary school, I was watching an episode of the Cosby show and Vanessa Huxtable got her period. Mrs. Huxtable was really excited; Vanessa was a woman…and I was confused. So I went upstairs to ask my parents what a period was. My father responded, “It’s the dot at the end of a sentence.” I replied, “I know, I know, but I think there’s another kind because Vanessa Huxtable just ‘got’ hers.” So my mom had me collect my little sister and meet her in the kitchen for a chat. I went back to the 4th grade the next day feeling oh so educated (and grossed out).

Well, while teeny tiny Ashley looks like she's still waiting to get her first period, she did finally get a period (rather than a “dot dot dot,” also known as an ellipsis) from Bentley.

Bentley may not know what to call a “dot dot dot,” but at least he knows there are only three “dot dot dots.” Among my many pet peeves is when people think there are like……a……lot………….more….dots……….involved……in…..an…ellipsis…..especially…in..a…powerpoint….presentation…….at…..work. Three…dots. Unless it’s at the end of a sentence, in which case, you get to use one more, the period.

So, let’s recount how Ashley finally got her closure…and her period.

After arriving in Hong Kong, Chris Harrison came to Ashley’s room to tell her that Bentley was in the hotel and wanted to talk to her.

“We’ve reached out to Bentley and he wants to talk to you today. And in fact, he’s in this hotel…right…now.”

Wrong! Bentley did NOT want to talk to her. ABC begged Bentley to come to Hong Kong and offered him first class airfare and a fancy hotel suite in order to make good TV.

Ashley asked, “Are you serious?” Chris responded, “Yes, I’m not gonna’ mess with you.”

Chris Harrison, shame on you! You ARE messing with her. A phone call with Bentley would have been sufficient and you just led her to believe that Bentley wants to talk to her!

So Ashley pulled herself together and went to Bentley’s room, hoping he wanted her back. When she knocked, he answered, “Who is it?” And I could hear him grinning through the door. When he opened the door, he told her she looked “adorable” and gave her a hug. Then, and this is embarrassing, Ashley looked up, begging for a kiss. She got one. Ugh. Then they went to sit down and she flirtatiously wiped her lipstick from his mouth. That’s what Bentley wanted…your grubby hands on his jerk face lips.

Now I need to just play back this conversation for you, in Ashley and Bentley’s own words.

Ashley: Do you come here often?
Bentley: Yeah, no. I thought about calling, but that would be too easy. So, I thought I’d fly…around the world…to see ya. (Leading her on…he’s gonna’ ask to come back!)
Ashley: Well, I’m glad you’re here.
(Awkward conversation about bug bites.)
Ashley: Gosh I don’t even know where to begin.
Bentley: Start at the start.
Ashley: Well, after you left, I had a really hard time? (Note: This is not a question, but to be true to Ashley’s speech patterns, I need to make it one.)
Bentley: Did you have fun, though?
Ashley: Noooo.
Bentley: Sorry. (Like hell he is!)
Ashley: So, yeah, I think you leaving was really hard…for me.
(Bentley places hand on Ashley’s knee.)
Bentley: For me too. (BS)
(Ashley says a bunch more about how hard it was and how she feels guilty regarding the other guys.)
Bentley: Selfishly, I appreciate that. You know, that’s kinda’ reaffirmation about us being on the same page I think? (Also not a question AND you are NOT on the same page or even reading the same book.) So, you can understand where, if we have something good going, it’s hard to just walk away and say…. (Gestures in a way that says, “goodbye.”)
(Continued BS about not knowing what the future holds for them and that Ashley should come to Salt Lake if it doesn’t work out with the other guys.)
Bentley: I guess if I could do it all over again…for your sake and, and ya know, that’s why I’m here now is, ya know, to say that I couldn’t believe that I went home and missed this, missed you, missed being here. That was real and that was very shocking to me. (HUH?)
(Ashley talks about knowing they met for a reason)
Bentley: I think you know where I’m at, an an, I think you know where I’m coming from a little bit. (Nope! Not at all!) And I think you’re here for a reason, and you’re here for a purpose, and I think that knowing I’m home it doesn’t look good for me and you, and I would implore you to do all that you can to see what you have here I guess.
Ashley: So this is our period.
(Ashley finally tells Bentley off. And it was awesome. You go girl!)
Bentley: I think that with where you are at in this whole journey and process, that maybe we should call it a period.
Ashley: So you came all the way here and you could have just talked to me on the phone?
Bentley: I wanted to see you. (Translation: I wanted to see you cry. And I wanted to see me on TV.)
Ashley: Why? Just wanted a vacay?
(All the while, Bentley is smirking.)
Ashley: You should have called.
(Lots of silence and smirking.)
Ashley: That’s it.
Bentley: (whispers) Ok. (‘Cause he’s so broken up he can’t speak?)

Ashley left and washed that man right out of her hair. Feeling refreshed and free of that a-hole, she moved forward with her other dates. I have to admit, I haven’t completely washed my own Bentley (and the similarities and uncanny!!!) out of my hair. You know what the difference is? I don’t have seven guys lined up to take me out!

So, maybe I need to have a “Wash ‘Bentley’ out of my hair” event. I just need someone to collect and screen applications for men and I’ll do my own little elimination game. And I won’t even make my dates box each other (recall Ames’ concussion last week?) or compete at Dragon Boat racing (which she did in this episode).

Back to Ashley. Things were looking up for her for a while and the rest of the show included:
• Her first date and kiss with Lucas, the Texan
• A super awkward, icky kiss with Ames in an elevator. I’m trapped!
• A romantic date with cutie J.P.

Then Ashley made the mistake of sharing her newfound relief over getting closure with Bentley with the men before the rose ceremony. She told them about Bentley’s visit and that she has finally moved on.

She thought she was being honest; that they would join in her excitement for the future. They didn’t.

Mickey actually threw a fit and left the show, right then and there. Fortunately, no big loss. That simply saved Ashley from having to NOT give him a rose anyway. Blake the dentist also had a hissy fit and made Ashley feel badly. When she came back with a teary-eyed apology, Blake felt sorry, as he should. But he was too dumb relay his regret to Ashley, and therefore, he was sent home.

With six remaining guys, we’re getting dangerously close to hometown and overnight dates. I’m crossing my fingers that Ashley truly is over Bentley and that she can take advantage of the rest of her time as The Bachelorette. And I’m crossing my toes that Bentley shows up for “The men tell all” so that the audience can pelt him with tomatoes.

Until next week!
Bachelorette Beth

The Bachelorette Week 5: Thai'd up on Bentley

From one luxury villa in Thailand to another. This time in Chaing Mai…

Josh Groban…errr…Ben F, the winemaker, went on a one-on-one date with Ashley. They held hands as they strolled to a Thai taxi headed for romance. The taxi brought them to an outdoor market where Ben daydreamed that he was walking around with his girlfriend, only dropping Ashley’s hand out of necessity. While they sat in front of a temple, unable to kiss out of respect for Thai culture, they mentally kissed (literally closing their eyes while simultaneously imagining a kiss) with a spoken intention to turn that thought into reality later in the evening. After some dinner and deep conversation, Ben received a rose and that long-awaited kiss while entertained by Thai dancers and fire breathers.

I’m glad Ashley had her moment, because after that, Chaing Mai was all downhill. Since Ashley was fully-clothed all of last episode, and because I’m fairly certain ABC wrote a clause into her contract stating that she has to show her midriff 25% of the time, she flaunted her bod in a sports bra while Thai boxing. It was also her opportunity to check out the merchandise, as all of the men were expected to strip down as well. I think the boys should always be shirtless…it was nice.

After three hours of Thai boxing training, it was time to fight. Ashley loaded the boys into a truck that took them to a ring in the middle of town. Two Thai men were sparring, and the boys started to mess themselves out of fear.

Fight 1: Blake the Dentist vs. Luke the Texan. They didn’t play nice. Serious punches to the head and face…my stomach was churning. Thank goodness they were wearing protective head gear. Blake won, which was probably good because he could fix the teeth he bashed out of Luke’s head.

Fight 2: Mickey the restaurateur vs. J.P., the smallest guy there. After getting in a few good hits, Mickey unleashed a devil in J.P., who boxed his little heart out.

Fight 3: Ames the Pacifist vs. Ryan the Solar Energy Cutie. Ames admitted to never throwing a punch in his life. Harvard and Yale are much too civilized for that. So Ames just bounced around in his pink shorts while Ryan gave him hit after hit to the head. One mild concussion later, Ryan took home gold and Ames took home a souvenir hospital bracelet.

Fight 4: Nick (Willy Wonka) vs. Constantine (Josh Groban #2), the big boys. We don’t know what happened in this fight because Ashley was too worried about Ames, who was completely out of it, to watch.

Ashley had the paramedics take Ames to the hospital, where he says they diagnosed him as completely love sick (clever even with a concussion!). I’m sure Ryan was worried about what he did to Ames (although he didn’t really express his regret)…but he was probably more worried about how it affected his chances for a rose. When Ames made his way back to the festivities that evening, he was still a little dizzy, disoriented and at a loss for words due to his head trauma. But he definitely scored a pity rose as a reward for his suffering.


Unlike Ames, Blake the Dentist had his best night ever. Blake expressed concern to Ashley that they haven’t had much time together and that he’s not sure she’s even attracted to him (p.s. She HAS to be because he is HOT HOT HOT). For this, Blake received reassurance that Ashley sees potential in him, a rose…and a kiss.

Ben C. (the flash mob dance guy) and William (the bad joke jerk from Columbus) drew the shorts straws and got a two-on-one date. Recall the rules…two men, one rose…one stays, one goes. So William, who has already goofed up by offending Ashley with bad jokes, decided to impress Ashley by telling her that Ben C. is looking forward to online dating back home (something I’m sure he said in jest back at the villa). William then told Ashley that Ben’s not the only one who is no longer interested in her. Great job, William. Way to make an insecure girl feel swell…again! Unfortunately, Ashley believed William, no questions asked, and immediately sent Ben home. Where Ben made a mistake is in not fighting for Ashley to hear otherwise, because I truly believe he wanted to stay…for the “right” reasons.

William was rewarded for being a nark and rode off on an elephant with Ashley. My only hope was that he wouldn’t get a rose either. Last week on vacation, I was swimming in the Atlantic with my seven-year-old niece. She kept saying, “I wished for this Bethie, I wished for this.” She was referring to a calm day at sea. Lucky for me, my wish came true, too and Ashley told William that it’s too late, the spark is gone. Buh bye! Hooray!

Apparently Ashley also doesn’t need a chocolate river or little orange men running through her house, so she sent Willy Wonka home, too. Willy (Nick) was devastated, but not to worry…he’s the candy man. He’ll mix it with love and make the world taste good for another lucky lady.

Despite making the right choices this week, Ashley’s just not in this with her whole heart. Unable to let go of her feelings for Bentley (girl…I know how it feels!), Ashley confided to Chris Harrison that she can’t stop thinking about him. Recall that Bentley left the show with a “dot dot dot,” cruel and unusual punishment, leaving Ashley with a need for closure. The “dot, dot, dot” won’t allow Ashley to move forward and she has asked Chris Harrison if she can speak to Bentley.

So, while we thought Bentley was coming back this week, ABC was just teasing us. We'll have to wait another week, when, based on previews, it seems Bentley will be more than happy to accept an all expenses paid trip to Thailand to pull on Ashley’s heart strings a little more. Let’s hope she can get over this guy before she loses her chance with someone who is actually worthy of her love.

Until next week,
Beth

The Bachelorette Week 4: The Calm after (and before) the Storm

I recently learned that Florida sun is NOT like Ohio sun. And SPF 60 doesn’t seem to entirely do the trick on this butt-white beige bachelorette. So I find myself in my hotel room taking a vacation from…vacation. Fortunately, I have a computer, internet access and ABC.com to fill me in on what I missed this week.

This week was Ashley’s calm after the Bentley storm. While she can’t stop thinking about him, she recognizes that she needs to move on. She had Bentley goggles on and now that they’re off, she can see the potential for happiness with one of the other guys. This week was about healing for Ashley, who can’t seem to get Bentley off her mind. Recall, she thinks he only left the show because he misses his daughter while viewers know he “just not that into her,” making it hard for her to let go. Alas, previews show that this calm after the storm is short-lived as it also happens to be the calm before the storm, as Bentley will weasel his way back on the show next week.

But for this one Bentley-free week, the cast’s time in the mansion came to a close. Since the Bachelor/Bachelorette has recently become a show appropriate for The Travel Channel, the boys grabbed their passports and jetted off to a luxury villa on the beaches of Phuket, Thailand.

Constantine (a.k.a. Josh Groban) was awarded the first one-on-one date with Ashley. While Ashley had intended to take Constantine out to a private island, her plan was thwarted by a storm. Instead, they found themselves roaming the streets and markets of Phuket. There, they ran into an old local man, who told them the key to a long and happy marriage is forgiving and forgetting. He also said, “Don’t try to win.” Ashley sparked to this comment, as it is 100% relevant to “The Bachelorette” game. She slapped Constantine’s shoulder, surprised by the comment. He didn’t get it. She repeated the comment…twice. He still didn’t get it. While Constantine did receive a rose at the end of this date for lifting Ashley’s post-Bentley spirits, I’m pretty certain he won’t make it to the final rose.

The group date was community service day. This has become a recent Bachelor / Bachelorette trend. But Ashley is the first Bachelorette to actually know what community service is. She and her crew spent the day beautifying an orphanage and were handsomely rewarded by the grins and happy chatter of the many children living there. Looking back to past seasons, my favorite “service” event was when Ali decided she would do some good in the world by hosting a photo shoot and creating a Bachelorette calendar. Proceeds from calendar sales would then be used to support some eco-friendly agencies. But come on, Ali. Spending a day on the beach with a bunch of hard-bodied half-naked men…who was that really benefitting? I think I am going to set up a kissing booth where cute boys hang out (once I figure out where that is) and accept donations for charity. Oh how I suffer in the name of generosity!


That evening, the group date continued with some drinks (in the rain), where Ashley stole my kissing booth idea. She made the rounds and especially enjoying playing tonsil hockey will cutie J.P. while the rest of the men looked on with envy. Good! This girl needs to be fought over a little to lift her spirits! But it was Ben F, our second Josh Groban look-alike and Sonoma winemaker, who took home the rose of the evening.

Next Ames (our Yale, Harvard, Columbia grad and ultra marathoner) was awarded his first one-on-one date, a magical kayak trip in Phuket. Until this point we haven’t learned much about Ames other than his resume. Turns out Ames has been to Phuket a couple times before, once to climb mountains and again to go to cooking school. All of a sudden, I developed a crush on Ames…despite his far-set eyes. I thought he was just a super intense investment banker / marathoner, but as it turns out...he’s a totally interesting guy and far more spontaneous than I had assumed. Ashley was surprised, too, and admits that she may not have noticed Ames had Bad Boy Bentley not excused himself from the show. Unfortunately, Ashley and Ames didn’t seal the evening with a kiss, which doesn’t bode well for their future, as she hasn’t hesitated to kiss any of the other fella’s. I’m afraid Ames may end up in the “friend” camp…in which case, I’d be happy to go on a date with him. He did say he’s looking for a strong, independent woman after all!

At the cocktail hour, Ashley pulled West aside to see if he’s truly ready for a relationship. Recall, West lost the love of his life to a seizure a few years ago. Ashley asked West if he was ready to move on, date again. But she also mentioned that she feels somewhat insecure about “filling her shoes.” West framed his responses beautifully and I completely trust that he is in as healthy a place as posssible given his story. But, it wasn’t enough to make Ashley comfortable and West was the only bachelor this week who failed to take home a rose. Ashley needs to work on her insecurities, as she just let a great guy go. But, I don’t fear for West, who has now made a huge step forward in finding love again.

Until next week!
Beth

The Bachelorette Week 3: Pits and Peaks

Week three was a rough one for Ashley! And per Chris Harrison, it nearly led her to quit the show. I’m glad she’s sticking around because, while I’m not too impressed with Ashley’s remaining bachelors, I think there is potential that a good one is hiding in there somewhere.

I was watching “Khloe & Lamar” (Khloe of Kardashian fame) and she mentioned that growing up, her father asked everyone to share the pit and peak of their day during family dinner. So, given the highs and lows of this episode, I thought we could borrow that approach for this post, highlighting Ashley’s pits and peaks of week 3.

Peak: Ask and ye shall receive. Disappointed that he didn’t get picked for the dancing date in Vegas last week, Ben told Ashley to pick him the next time dancing would be involved, as he likes to dance. So, she invited him on a one-on-one date to a dance studio, where she taught him a dance. Later, at a park, Ashley asked Ben to do the dance…in public…without music. He went along with it and then all of a sudden, they were in the midst of a flash mob. Ben did a great job and Ashely congratulated him with the first leg wraparound of the season. If you aren’t familiar with a flash mob, here is my favorite example. It’s when a large group of people get together to do something silly all at the same time, stunning/confusing/entertaining innocent bystanders. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwMj3PJDxuo

Pit: While Ben’s Flash Mob date was a peak. The second part of the date = pit. And more specifically, it was kissing Ben that was Ashley’s pit. Turns out that Ben’s idea of kissing is pouting his lips (which were super-glued shut) and then pressing them up to Ashley’s pursed lips for an extended period of time. It was kind of like when you play that game in elementary school where you “kiss” someone by high-fiving and each kissing the back of your hand. Look, I’m kissing but without the coodies. Oooooh. From now on, Ben shall be referred to as "Bad Kiss Ben." See proof below.

Peak: The masked man finally decided to stop being crazy and show Ashley his face. Bout time! There was a lot of anticipation and a monologue about why he did this and how he’s excited to reveal his face. Off with the mask already! And then…

Pit: Actually seeing the masked man’s face. I couldn’t wait to see Ashley’s reaction. Stone-faced, she really didn’t have one. And right then, we all knew it was over for the masked man.

Pit: The group date this week was an accident waiting to happen…a trip to a comedy club to roast Ashley. While most of the jokes had nothing to do with Ashley, when they did, the guys made fun of her “Almost AA” chest. She took that like a champ…she knows her killer abs make up for it. But then William threw out a doosie of a “joke”. Thinking that the other guys didn’t do a proper roast, William “joked” that the guys really wanted the Bachelorette to be Emily. Ashley’s fear than the men would be disappointed that she wasn’t Emily or Chantal or Shawntel was her biggest reservation about doing this show. William really tapped into Ashley’s biggest insecurity and as soon as the “comedy” show was over, she ran off crying.

Pit: No one cared that she was crying!!! These idiot guys saw Williams say something REALLY mean to Ashley and no one ran to comfort her. Not even the offending bachelor! In fact, it was Bentley, the biggest jerk on the planet, who finally went to talk to her. So, that’s not saying a lot for the rest of men! And later that evening, Ashley expressed to the group how hurt she was. Again, no reassurance from the group. Finally William took her aside to NOT apologize. He said, “There’s nothing I can do to make this right. I hurt someone I care about a lot.” Ummm, here’s an idea, William. Say, “I’m sorry! I think you’re the greatest!” So, it turns out William from Columbus is just like Jim Tressel. He’s just posing as a nice guy. My hometown is not lookin’ so good right now.

It was Ryan the solar panel company owner who finally took the bait and told Ashley what she needed to hear…that’s she’s beautiful and that he is so excited that she is the bachelorette. That was enough to win Ryan the rose of the evening.

Pit: As expected, Bentley broke Ashley’s heart this week. Telling her a story about how he misses his daughter, he said he couldn’t take it anymore and had to leave. Meanwhile he’s telling the camera how he’s not attracted to her, even calling her an “ugly duckling,” which she clearly, is not. After a drawn out conversation, Bentley continued to lead Ashley on by saying, “dot dot dot,” implying perhaps something could be between them in the future. Chris Harrison tried to tell Ashley to forget Bentley, that if there was any part of him that cared for her, he would have stayed.

My message to Chris Harrison…you care more about ratings than this girl’s heart. Chris Harrison is not a friend to any Bachelor / Bachelorette. He should never have allowed Bentley to stay on the show when he was clearly stating to the cameras that he was just there to play games with Ashley’s heart.

And my message to Ashley: Michelle Money (as in Crazy Mommy Hairdresser Michelle from last season) warned you about Bentley. We know Michelle is crazy, so I can see why you would have ignored her warning. However, what was fact is that Michelle is friends with Bentley’s ex wife. So, clearly Bentley’s ex wife is crazy…because she is friends with super classy Michelle. And if Bentley’s ex wife is crazy, well, he must be, too…because he married her. Moral of the story…you wouldn’t want him even if he wanted you. You’re being rejected by a crazy person, which doesn’t count. Of course, this is coming from a girl who still can’t get over a crazy jerk, but ya know, easier said than done.

With that, I really hope that there are more peaks in Ashley’s future on this show. I think Ryan the solar panel guy has potential. And I'll take him if Ashley doesn't want him! There’s also the dentist with veneers. And while Ames is a mega-nerd, he’s a mega-nerd who would treat her right.

There were some additional peaks and pits in the rest of Bachelor/Bachelorette-land this week that I’d like to share before we part ways.

Pit: Brad and Emily have officially broken up. Apparently, Brad dumped Ashley over the phone. I’ll try to get my hands on an interview with Emily for the facts, but I guess she has already turned her sparkler over to ABC.

Mega Peak: It’s official…there will be a Bachelor Pad 2! And I’m not done yet. Guess who’s going to be on the show! Crazy Mommy Hairdresser Michelle. AND Vienna! AND Jerky Jake Pavelka! Woohoo! This is going to be fabulous. And it gets even more fabulous because Casey, who as I have mentioned has decided to “guard and protect” Vienna’s heart, is also going to be on the show. Vienna + Jake + Casey = mega drama.

But before we delight in that hot mess, let’s find some love for Ashley!

Until next week,
Beth

The Bachelorette Week 2: Never drive a Bentley!

Ok, now the real fun (and drama!) begins with week one of over-the-top dates.

Ashley’s first date is with William, the cute cell phone salesman from Columbus, Ohio in a collared shirt and sweater. Here’s hoping he doesn’t fool Ashley the way Tressel fooled Columbus. With Ashley in her teenie white mini dress, they made a beautiful couple. They jetted off to Las Vegas, arriving at the Bellagio. My favorite! As soon as they arrived, fans started snapping pictures and giving Ashley hugs. Then it got weird.

First Stop: Cake tasting
Second Stop: Ring shopping
Third Stop: The chapel

Assuming this was a joke, but getting a little nervous, William watched Ashley walk down the aisle in that little white mini dress. The pastor then began asking them to repeat vows. William actually said “I do.” Clearly Ashley, who knew this was a real pastor, said no. The pastor then asked William to kiss his “almost bride.” Well, Ashley chose the right guy for this date because he took it all in stride and they both left saying it was their “best first date ever.”

But the date wasn’t over and William deserved something normal. So, after changing into another short dress, Ashley took William to dinner. A super cool dinner! They rowed a boat out to a private table in the Bellagio fountain…a little too close to the street because fans were watching the entire thing. They did get enough private time for William to be able to open up about his father, an alcoholic who died six years ago. Turns out that Ashley’s father is an alcoholic, and the two shared a bond (and a first kiss) over similar struggles as the Belagio fountains began dancing.

Back at the mansion the second date card arrived, inviting a whole slew (slew = 12) of fellas to meet her in Las Vegas.

They headed to the JABAWOCKEEZ theater. I was not familiar with them, but they look like the Blue Man Group. However, rather than painting themselves blue, they wear white Scream-like masks. And instead of drumming, they dance. While the guys were enthralled with the private performance, Ashley tip-toed away and headed backstage unnoticed. All of a sudden, Ashley and her unreal abs appeared on stage in cargo pants and a purple sports bra. So, for the third season in a row (think Lion King and Cirque du Soleil) the guys would compete for a small role in that evening’s performance. Divided into two “crews,” the guys were tasked with coming up with a routine in 30 minutes.

Both “crews” came up with creative concepts…a rose ceremony dance and a wedding dance. But only one crew executed their performance well and half of the guys were sent back to the mansion. That evening the remaining six men joined the JABAWOCKEEZ and a belly-baring Ashley for a special performance.

Since the day didn’t leave any time to actually get to know the guys, Ashley made sure to have one-on-one time with everyone at the after party. She spoke briefly with the dentist, who looks just like Kirk from Ali’s season (see photos, am I right or am I right?).


Then West took her aside and told her his tragic story, reassuring her that he’s ready to find love again.

Then she spent some time with Bentley, the villain of the season. While Bentley appreciates Ashley’s “rockin’ bod,” he says that he’s not at all interested in her. So I’m not clear on why he’s playing this game, why he’s sticking around. Ashley clearly likes Bentley despite the pre-show warning she received from her girlfriend, and like an idiot, gave that jerk the one rose of the evening.

The next day, the third date was announced, inviting one of the two remaining guys on a one-on-one date in Vegas. Decided by a coin flip, Mickey won the toss, leaving J.P. (along with the creepy masked guy) dateless for the week. Since Mickey won the date via coin toss, the pair decided to coin toss their way through every decision that night. Despite the coin tosses, the date was fairly boring, but they did get emotional when Mickey opened up about his mother’s passing six years ago. That’s three sad stories in one episode! Mickey got a rose that night and the pair enjoyed a private concert by Colbie Callait at Mandalay Bay’s swimming pool.

At the pre-rose-ceremony cocktail hour, Ashley got to visit with (and kiss) J.P. She also got to two-step with Nick (a.k.a. Willy Wonka)

and had a creepy conversation in a dark stairwell with the masked man. With a brain hemorrhage and a divorce in his past, the masked man really values life and was about to take off his mask when he was interrupted by another suitor. Foiled! Fortunately, it worked in the masked man’s favor and Ashley actually kept him around for another week.

To put an end cap on the cocktail hour, Ashley had time with Bentley, who is the most disgusting character ever to grace the Bachelorette screen. Bentley picked Ashley up and delivered her to the fireplace, where he decided to seduce her. The jerk said, “Wow, that was…kinda boring. It started out good but it sucked toward the end.” Poor Ashley has self-proclaimed “good sincerity radar”, but alas, her radar is failing her and she has allowed herself to start falling for the one guy who couldn’t care less about her.

In the end, Ashley bid adieu to Stephen the hairstylist, Mama’s boy Matt, and Ryan M the construction estimator that I know nothing about.

Next week’s previews imply that Bentley will put an end to his shenanigans and tell Ashley “he’s just not that into her” and, if we’re lucky, the masked man will reveal his face. I’m hoping that next week will be the kick off to hot-tub season. We’ve seen far too much of Ashley’s bod…now let’s hear it for the boys!

Until next week,
Beth

The Bachelorette Week 1: The Hotties and the Notties

Welcome back, friends! And welcome back, Dentist Ashley!

Our bachelorette this season is itsy bitsy little Ashley, Brad Womack’s second runner up last season. While Brad and Ashley got off on a great foot, Ashley became insecure, which derailed their relationship.

We begin this season by following a pensive Ashley as she jogs and dances her way around Philly (with an excessive about of midriff baring footage), where she is a dental student. Determined not to let her insecurities get in her way this time, Ashley is ready to find love once again. From previews it seems she’s in for Mr. Toad's Bumpy Ride.

A newly brunette Ashley was bedazzled head to toe as she met her 25 suitors. With her big evening ahead, Ashley’s insecurities resurfaced as she worried that the men would be disappointed when they found out she was the Bachelorette. That made me very sad and I hoped for Ashley that she could win ‘em over. I must say, I wasn’t the biggest Ashley fan last season, but she did a lovely job as she took center stage for the first time.

Now let’s meet her men…the Hotties (lots of Hotties) and the Notties!

The Hotties:
•First Rose Ryan: The owner of a company in the solar industry, Ryan is adorable! He, like most of the guys this season, has a great bod. And unlike my recent ex, his chest doesn’t have a built in sweater vest. Bonus. Ryan made a great first impression with a genuine smile and the line, “Brad’s loss is my gain.” Ryan was the first guy to get out of the car, the first guy to steal her away at the cocktail hour, and the first guy to get a rose. Good choice, Ashley. But for the record, if Ashley lets him go, he can cry on my shoulder!
•G.I. J.P.: J.P. works in construction mgmt, but he also looks like G.I. Joe. At first glance you’re not sure if he’s a bad boy or if he’s a sensitive artist. I don’t think he’s either, but I do think he’s a genuinely nice guy
•Widower West: West is the Emily of this season, having already met and lost his one true love. West is a super cute lawyer with a very sad story. I hope that West is ready to love again and he got off to a great start by giving Ashley a broken compass stuck on West. Pretty sure he has ex girlfriends all over the place gagging because he used that same thing on them. But I liked it and I like him. Ashleylikes him, too and gave him a rose.
•Wireless William: A cell phone salesman from Columbus, OH (woop woop….Go bucks!!!), William has been unlucky in love, seeing himself as the stepping stone boyfriend for his girlfriends, who get married to the next guy they date. While he may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, William is cute and seemingly a genuinely nice guy. But his constant impersonations are going to get tired real quick.
•Bonjour Ben: Ou la la, Ben was born in France and charmed Ashley with French (in which she is fluent) as he introduced himself. After growing up in England he is now a lawyer in New Orleans. A romantic musician, he’s the next best thing to running off with some hot guy you meet while studying abroad.
•Sonoma Ben: A winemaker from Sonoma (pitter pat pat), Ben is one of two Josh Groban look-alikes in this batch of boys.

The Notties (and Naughties):
•Bad Boy Bentley: Before the season even started, Ashley was warned by a friend from last season that Bentley is on the show for the wrong reasons. Unfortunately, it’s true. And even more unfortunately, despite that Bentley was super cocky and as dull as a doorknob, Ashley gave him a rose because she thinks he’s cute. What is cute is his little girl, Cozy. Yes, Cozy. I know that babies are in fact, Cozy. But that doesn’t mean you have to name your child after an adjective! Reminds me of an episode of “Say Yes to the Dress” or “Girl Meets Gown” (I torture myself with both of those shows) where one of the bride’s names was Duvet. Yeah, like a comforter. Because her parents wanted her to be a comforter of others. These are names for puppies, not people.
•Anthony: 4th generation Jersey shore butcher, Anthony looks like he could be in the mob or singing Grease Lightning on Broadway. Either way, Ashley wasn’t interested in a trip to the Jersey shore and sent Anthony home.
•Tanked Tim: Drunk before he got out of the limo, this liquor distributor really needs a new job. He cursed, he stumbled, he snoozed, he snored. And he was sent home before the rose ceremony. I wish Ashley had let him stay, as it would have been amusing to see him try to stand at attention for 30 minutes.
•Phantom Jeff: The Phaaaaaantom of the Opera is (unfortunately still) here. Entrepreneur and official freak Jeff worse a mask for the entire show, confusing this show with the 2003 Fox Reality Show, “Mr. Personality.” Basically he wore a mask because it’s what’s on the inside that matters. I’m pretty sure his insides are freaky, but I think Ashley was made to feel it would be shallow to let him go. So, for our viewing pleasure, Phantom Jeff will be lurking around the mansion for at least one more week.
•Jon: E commerce exec, Jon, thought he could sweep Ashley off her feet by…well, sweeping her off her feet and carrying her like a fireman with the line, “Can we just go straight to the honeymoon?” Ashley was sweet about it, but it must have been a little much because she send Jon home without a rose…and with tears in his eyes.
•Hey Mickey Not So Fine: While he got a rose, this Mickey didn’t blow my mind. I was surprised she decided to keep him around given he tried to kiss her the second he met her. Yuck yuck.
•Too Far Frank: A college Admissions Director, Frank picked Ashley up and spun her around. Because every girl wants to be picked up by the ass by a guy she’s never met? Well, not me. And not Ashley either. She sent Frank home.
•Not So Musical Mike: Mike won me over with the one-liner he used when he met Ashley. “This is the first time in my life that I’ve actually been excited to see a dentist.” I also loved it when he pretended to be a guitar player to get some alone time with Ashley. I thought it was hilarious. But Ashley sent him home.
•Canadian Chris CEO: That’s all I know about him. The three C’s. He’s Canadian. He’s a CEO. His name is Chris. And he’s eliminated.
•Baffled Bobby: Rob, a technology exec. introduced himself with a bad dentist joke. That’s two for two dentist jokes that didn’t go over well with Ashley. Like Mike, she sent Rob home…and he’s “baffled!”

The Not So Sursies
•Constantine Groban: Restaurant owner Constantine is our second Josh Groban impersonator. Now, let’s vote. Will the real Josh Groban please stand up!










•Awkward Ames: Ames has worked hard in life and is a Certified Professional Nerd (CPN). He has a killer resume boasting degrees from Duke, Yale and Harvard. He is a portfolio manager in NYC and has run 39 marathons and some ultra marathons as well. Ames’ online bio includes the question, “What is your most embarrassing moment?” His response? And I quote, “I had a teacher walk in on me while I was hooking up in boarding school.” Totally saw boarding school coming from a mile away with this guy. He did impress me, though, by bringing Ashley, who is a dancer, ballet tickets. And he impressed Ashley enough to get a rose.
•Lucas: An oil field equipment distributor, Lucas is really handsome. But he’s from Texas. And years of Bachelor / Bachelorette experience tell me to never trust a Texan! Think Brad Womack and Jake Pavelka.
•Cutie Chris D: Chris works in sports marketing and raps as a hobby. But he shouldn’t. He wrote Ashley a rap for their initial greeting and fortunately Ashley didn’t call a foul.
•Mama’s Boy Matt: Matt’s mommy thinks he and Ashley will hit it off. She told Ashley so. When Matt called her during their one-on-one time. Mommy also told them to use protection when they choose to forego their individual rooms and stay in the romantic suite. Oi vey.
•Ryan M: Ryan is a construction estimator. That’s all I got.
•Nick: Nick is a personal trainer, but I think he looks like Willy Wonka. Which I’d be ok with if I were Ashley as long as brought me a scrumdidilyumptious bar. Preferably with a golden ticket inside.
•Fake Blake: Like Ashley, Blake is a dentist. He’s hot with a gorgeous smile, but I’m 99% sure they’re veneers.
•Stephen: A hairstylist, I don’t remember anything about Stephen. I’m not sure he was on the show, but when I only counted 24 bachelors, I found him online. Maybe next week he’ll braid Ashley’s hair and they’ll fall in love.

This first episode gives me hope for Ashley…and for myself. There are great guys out there. Guys get hurt, too. They’re looking for love. And somewhere out there is my bachelor. If only I had Chris Harrison on the hunt.

Until next week!
Beth