Ok, now the real fun (and drama!) begins with week one of over-the-top dates.
Ashley’s first date is with William, the cute cell phone salesman from Columbus, Ohio in a collared shirt and sweater. Here’s hoping he doesn’t fool Ashley the way Tressel fooled Columbus. With Ashley in her teenie white mini dress, they made a beautiful couple. They jetted off to Las Vegas, arriving at the Bellagio. My favorite! As soon as they arrived, fans started snapping pictures and giving Ashley hugs. Then it got weird.
First Stop: Cake tasting
Second Stop: Ring shopping
Third Stop: The chapel
Assuming this was a joke, but getting a little nervous, William watched Ashley walk down the aisle in that little white mini dress. The pastor then began asking them to repeat vows. William actually said “I do.” Clearly Ashley, who knew this was a real pastor, said no. The pastor then asked William to kiss his “almost bride.” Well, Ashley chose the right guy for this date because he took it all in stride and they both left saying it was their “best first date ever.”
But the date wasn’t over and William deserved something normal. So, after changing into another short dress, Ashley took William to dinner. A super cool dinner! They rowed a boat out to a private table in the Bellagio fountain…a little too close to the street because fans were watching the entire thing. They did get enough private time for William to be able to open up about his father, an alcoholic who died six years ago. Turns out that Ashley’s father is an alcoholic, and the two shared a bond (and a first kiss) over similar struggles as the Belagio fountains began dancing.
Back at the mansion the second date card arrived, inviting a whole slew (slew = 12) of fellas to meet her in Las Vegas.
They headed to the JABAWOCKEEZ theater. I was not familiar with them, but they look like the Blue Man Group. However, rather than painting themselves blue, they wear white Scream-like masks. And instead of drumming, they dance. While the guys were enthralled with the private performance, Ashley tip-toed away and headed backstage unnoticed. All of a sudden, Ashley and her unreal abs appeared on stage in cargo pants and a purple sports bra. So, for the third season in a row (think Lion King and Cirque du Soleil) the guys would compete for a small role in that evening’s performance. Divided into two “crews,” the guys were tasked with coming up with a routine in 30 minutes.
Both “crews” came up with creative concepts…a rose ceremony dance and a wedding dance. But only one crew executed their performance well and half of the guys were sent back to the mansion. That evening the remaining six men joined the JABAWOCKEEZ and a belly-baring Ashley for a special performance.
Since the day didn’t leave any time to actually get to know the guys, Ashley made sure to have one-on-one time with everyone at the after party. She spoke briefly with the dentist, who looks just like Kirk from Ali’s season (see photos, am I right or am I right?).
Then West took her aside and told her his tragic story, reassuring her that he’s ready to find love again.
Then she spent some time with Bentley, the villain of the season. While Bentley appreciates Ashley’s “rockin’ bod,” he says that he’s not at all interested in her. So I’m not clear on why he’s playing this game, why he’s sticking around. Ashley clearly likes Bentley despite the pre-show warning she received from her girlfriend, and like an idiot, gave that jerk the one rose of the evening.
The next day, the third date was announced, inviting one of the two remaining guys on a one-on-one date in Vegas. Decided by a coin flip, Mickey won the toss, leaving J.P. (along with the creepy masked guy) dateless for the week. Since Mickey won the date via coin toss, the pair decided to coin toss their way through every decision that night. Despite the coin tosses, the date was fairly boring, but they did get emotional when Mickey opened up about his mother’s passing six years ago. That’s three sad stories in one episode! Mickey got a rose that night and the pair enjoyed a private concert by Colbie Callait at Mandalay Bay’s swimming pool.
At the pre-rose-ceremony cocktail hour, Ashley got to visit with (and kiss) J.P. She also got to two-step with Nick (a.k.a. Willy Wonka)
and had a creepy conversation in a dark stairwell with the masked man. With a brain hemorrhage and a divorce in his past, the masked man really values life and was about to take off his mask when he was interrupted by another suitor. Foiled! Fortunately, it worked in the masked man’s favor and Ashley actually kept him around for another week.
To put an end cap on the cocktail hour, Ashley had time with Bentley, who is the most disgusting character ever to grace the Bachelorette screen. Bentley picked Ashley up and delivered her to the fireplace, where he decided to seduce her. The jerk said, “Wow, that was…kinda boring. It started out good but it sucked toward the end.” Poor Ashley has self-proclaimed “good sincerity radar”, but alas, her radar is failing her and she has allowed herself to start falling for the one guy who couldn’t care less about her.
In the end, Ashley bid adieu to Stephen the hairstylist, Mama’s boy Matt, and Ryan M the construction estimator that I know nothing about.
Next week’s previews imply that Bentley will put an end to his shenanigans and tell Ashley “he’s just not that into her” and, if we’re lucky, the masked man will reveal his face. I’m hoping that next week will be the kick off to hot-tub season. We’ve seen far too much of Ashley’s bod…now let’s hear it for the boys!
Until next week,
Beth
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