But of course, after recording the song…enter Seal. Apparently Heidi Klum got sick of being a sugar mama and sent her baby daddy out to resurrect his career. I guess this seems more authentic than making him a guest judge on Project Runway. As Brad and Ashley listened to Seal perform, Ashley put her face right up against Brad, wishing and hoping that she would get a Kiss and a Rose…but not from on the grey. What’s that mean, anyway? Up until this moment (when I looked up the song’s lyrics), I always thought it was “grave” not “grey.” Not that a kiss from a grave would make much sense either.
After the private concert the two had a romantic dinner on the top of a building, where Ashley opened up about her father, who died of an aneurism. She shared with Brad how significant the song “Kiss from a Rose” was to her and her father. Coincidence? I think not. She got a rose. Cue the music…”Da da da da da da…baaaabyyyy, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.” And as they danced, they shared a kiss…thanks to a rose.
Back at the mansion the girls found out about the upcoming kick ass group date. The girls happily (except for Crazy Mommy Hair Stylist Michelle, who was pissed to be on another group date) hopped into a van to go greet a very sweaty pits Brad at an action movie set. Immediately Brad and some actors broke into an action skit a la Disney World’s Indiana Jones spectacular. Brad showed off his choreographed moves as men came from every angle to beat him up. He fake kicked their asses and finished it with a “Just another day at the office, ladies.”
Turns out the girls were going to film some action scenes of their own. Shawntel with an S, the funeral director, really stole the show with Brad. She had some bad ass action movie moves and therefore, she got some extra scenes, which included kissing…which included lots of tongue. That part wasn’t in the script.
After the action adventure everyone decided to cool off in the pool. Whatdayaknow, they all had bikinis on under their action adventure clothes. Convenient. Then Chantal with a C, the one who bitch-slapped Brad when she got out of the limo, started to cry at the pool party because she has to share Brad with all the girls. But she may have dug herself out of the hole by sharing with Brad her daddy issues. Daddy issues were clearly a priority at the casting call this season! Brad sweetly patted Chantal’s head and wiped the tears from her face. Good recovery, Chantal…she then got her kiss. But it was Shawntel with an S who went home with a rose that night.
Sweet southern belle Emily got the next one one-one date. She was described by a fellow bachelorette as an “Itsy bitsy Barbie doll with the soul of mother Theresa. So you can’t hate her.” In typical Bachelor style, ABC decided to torture Emily, whose fiancé died in a plane crash, by putting her in a small plane. And of course they had Brad say to her, “I hope planes don’t scare you.” Such jerks. They landed (safely, phew!) and found themselves on a picnic in a vineyard where Emily refused to open up to Brad and danced around the subject of her ex fiancé. The date continued to a romantic dinner in a barn where Brad kept trying to get Emily to open up…by pouring a lot of wine. Emily finally told her story, beautifully, and Brad handled it well…because he’s a pro since going to therapy. Cue the magical music and bring on the rose…and a few kisses. “The way I’m feeling right now is the way that people feel when they begin a future with somebody. I can see Emily as the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.” Very sweet.
After a visit from his therapist, Brad was ready for the cocktail party. Crazy Michelle continued to be crazy, Ashley the dentist started to show bits of jealousy, and Madison the Vampire politely excused herself from the show.
Madison sat down with Brad, removed her fangs, and explained to Brad why she felt the need to go home. My friend and I were excited to see how those fangs work. Turns out they snap off. So we went to amazon.com and searched for “realistic vampire fangs.” Bata bing, bata boom…fangs like Madison’s, the “#1 best selling custom fit Vampire fangs since 1993,” can be yours for the low price of $15.96. Now I know what I’m going to be for Halloween next year! Anyway, Brad asked Madison to consider staying, which she did for about 20 minutes before leaving during the rose ceremony. Good choice, Madison. I watched that Eclipse movie and it seems dating someone who isn’t a vampire would be really hard work! Brad should end up with a Wolverine instead.
In other news…blast from the past. This weekend I received a text message in the middle of the night from my good friend, Lindsey, reading, “Aaaaaaaah!!! Just ran into Kirk from the Bachelor at Imperial Room!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I would have run over there in my jammies, but alas, Lindsey lives in Minneapolis and I…do not. I told her to take a picture for us.
Despite having a boyfriend she’s madly in love with, Lindsey admitted to rambling on to Kirk about what a Bachelor fan she is. So, since we last saw Kirk and his taxidermist father get rejected by Ali, he moved his hot bod from Madison, WI to Minneapolis, MN. According to Lindsay, he and his newly amped sex life are very happy there. Coodies.
Until next week!
Beth
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