Sorry for flaking last week. This is what happened on the hometown dates…
Ali and Roberto played a little baseball in Miami and, as usual, they didn’t talk about a whole lot, but had a serious physical connection. Then they went to visit Roberto’s parents, who are extremely proud of their son and seemed to be unsure of whether or not Ali was good enough for him. Dad was worried that Ali’s career aspirations would keep her from caring for his grandchildren. But after some salsa dancing in the living room I think she proved herself to be a catch.
Ali visited Chris L’s family, the best family in the history of the Bachelor / Bachelorette, in Cape Cod. First Ali and Chris took a rainy walk along the beach. Unfortunately, Chris didn’t inform Ali of the plan ahead of time and , sporting a pair of fancy leather, high-heeled boots, she tried to play it cool as her heels sunk in the sand step after step after step. After the walk Chris took Ali to his childhood home, where she was met with photos of his mom and more depressing conversation. Upon reuniting, Chris and his family (dad, two brothers, a sister-in-law and a sister-in-law-to-be) all embraced one another and proved themselves to be an incredibly loving and close knit family. I almost cried. Chris’s family was very hopeful for Chris and Ali and as Chris’s dad kissed Ali’s cheek goodbye I decided she would be insane not to want to be a part of this family, too.
Kirk’s hometown dates were a little less exciting. Kirk didn’t plan anything other than trips to each of his parents’ houses. They started at Kirk’s dad’s house, which was filled from floor to ceiling with knick knacks. Ali couldn’t enjoy the flea market splendor for long because Kirk’s dad immediately whisked her down to his basement taxidermy workshop. Ali kindly admired the “natural” décor and bits and pieces in the freezer. In the end, Kirk’s dad was very kind and the two had a heart to heart before Kirk took Ali to his mom’s house. Poor Kirk, after those dates, the writing (well, animal head) was on the wall, and Kirk’s romance with Ali was over.
The final home town date was in Chicago for a visit with Frank’s family. The visit with the family was uneventful, but what I remember is how incredibly standoffish Frank was as they cruised down the Chicago river. Well, that’s because he lies awake at night thinking of his ex girlfriend…not Ali. Despite Frank’s usual weird standoffish and overly emotional behavior, Ali decided to keep him around and sent Kirk home. Bad choice. I would have liked Kirk and his bod to join me in Tahiti. For sure.
On to the romantic overnight dates.
Per Ali, Tahiti is the “perfect place to fall in love.” So was Iceland. Oh and Istanbul and Portugal, too.
Both Chris and Roberto are falling in love with Ali while Frank has some feelings” brewing” for his ex, Nicole. So, while in Chicago, Frank decided to go visit Nicole to see if his feelings for her are real. He showed up at her front door and, after telling her what an amazing connection he has with Ali, he asked for Nicole to take him back. She accepted with some baby talk. “Nevew weave me again.”
Ali then arrived in Tahiti and settled into her hut on the water. Basically a dream honeymoon. Per the producer’s request she immediately threw on a pink swim suit and hopped in the water. Then she pulled a Little Mermaid move…popping out of the water and flipping her hair from front to back.
Ali went to visit Robert and snuggled him under his massively wet armpits. He was NOT sure to be dry and I’m guessing her man did NOT smell like an Old Spice man. Surprise, surprise, Ali took Roberto to a…wait for it…wait for it…helicopter!!! The copter dropped them off on a private island where they stripped off their clothes (real quick) and Roberto scooped Ali up and ran for the water. Ali told us her physical chemistry with Robert is “intense”. We’ve noticed. And we noticed some more as they sat in the shallow water “spider” style and made out, paying no attention to the under-water cameras that were capturing it all.
Over dinner they continued to swoon over one another. Roberto, in a long-sleeved shirt, dropping beads of sweat into their wine glasses, told Ali that he’s falling in love with her. Kissing ensued before Ali presented the standard overnight date card. Roberto pretended like had no idea what was coming as he read “Should you choose to forego your individual rooms….” Clearly Roberto accepted. They were so eager to get to the suite that they waded through the water to get to their hut instead of taking the long way home. Clever Ali. The first thing she said was, “You’re soaking wet” and then helped Roberto out of his shirt before the camera cut out.
Chris then arrived in Tahiti and the two skipped off to a gorgeous boat ride where they talked about Chris’s amazing family before snuggling on the bow of the boat. The boat then dropped anchor and the two jumped in the water and swam to the island. But as soon as they could stand, Ali used the leg wraparound and Chris carried her (making out the whole time) to the beach. When they finally got there they opened oysters looking for pearls and ABC documented their thievery, as I’m guessing those pearls belong to Tahiti.
They had dinner on a private island, “Just the two of us.” Well, and the camera men and the microphone holder and the makeup girl. When she was ready for more hanky panky, she presented the fantasy suite card. After discussing their future and where they would live Chris said, “God, I love you.” My heart skipped a beat while Ali giggled. It was precious. But my fear is that we’ll be watching him get his heart broken in a couple weeks.
Meanwhile, Frank arrived and got some advice from Chris Harrison before heading out to devastate Ali. Ali, excited for her date with Frank, was in for a rude awakening when he immediately said “We need to talk.” Frank couldn’t spit it out and tortured Ali as tears welled up in her eyes. Finally he admitted that he had “unresolved feelings for an ex girlfriend.” They cried together for a while and after a long embrace, Ali walked away, a perfectly good sailing date gone to waste. I think she should have called Chris L to ask him to take her for a spin.
And then there were two. Roberto or Chris. Who’s it gonna’ be? Well, we have to suffer through Monday’s “Men Tell All” episode before we find out.
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