The Bachelor Weeks 3 & 4: Bored to Tears

Friends, I must apologize for bailing on you last week, but I’m struggling…struggling to find anything to write about this season because Ben is ridiculously boring.

Even now with two weeks under our belts, I don’t have much to say, despite ABC’s best efforts to add their touches of dramatic flair, such as:

The truly most dramatic rose ceremony ever! Last week we had one girl sobbing, one girl passing out (Erika, our ice capades costume donning law student/pageant queen),

...and a rejected girl from a previous season putting her heart on the line only to be rejected a second time.

It was Shawntel, the funeral home director from Brad Womack's season. You don't remember her? Oh, well, maybe this picture of her hometown date with Brad will jog your memory.

Yeah, Brad didn't like it...and either did Ben. Shawntel was uber confident that she and Brad had developed a "connection" before he started filming. She busted in on a rose ceremony and asked to be considered for a rose, but alas, Ben told her he didn't think it would be fair to the other girls. Excuses, excuses...all's fair in love and war!


To try to keep things entertaing, ABC has also thrown in some unusual exits from the show. Last week, Brittney (the gal who brought her grandma to the first rose ceremony) received an invitation to a one-on-one date...and rejected it. She opted to pack her bags and hop in that limo as soon as she saw a "connection" coming. That's a Bachelor first! But honestly, it shouldn't be the last. Brittney is the only gal smart enough to realize that Ben isn't worth her time.

We also had an interesting exit this week, when beauty queen Samantha spent her one-on-one time with Ben complaining that she had only been selected for group dates. What I'm sure she intended to say was, "I really like you and, while I'm having a blast on these groups dates, I'd love to get to know you better. I look forward to the potential for a one-on-one date so we can chat more in the future." Instead she came across as whiney and complainy and Ben didn't take it well. Actually, he obviously was looking for a way to get rid of this girl and jumped at the opportunity, telling her off and asking her to leave immediately. He was an ass. Samantha, you're better off! Go talk to Brittney and have her explain why Ben's not worth your tears.

So, why else am I so anti-Ben? While I may have swooned for a moment over his wine-maker gig, he's just not living up to the hype. He spends all of his time smooching the ladies, not only because they are beautiful, but because he is the worst conversationalist in the history of the world. I thought maybe I could blame it on the ladies, but no, that can't be. He has so many awkward-silence-filled lame-o conversations in each episode ("This is great." "Yeah, real great." "Super great." "It's great to be here.") and I realized the common denominator is Ben.

But maybe these girls are onto something. Maybe they've got dating figured out. Maybe I should start being dull on my dates. Perhaps I'm too chatty and interesting. I should just stare at my date and tell him how handsome he is and how "great" it is to be there and he'll give me a smooch and a rose. I'll try that and get back to you! Now I just need a date....

Wanna' know why else I don't like Ben? Well, my friend found a little music video that Ben published a few years ago. And it's icky. It's called "Cream Dreams" and here's a picture of Ben starring in his nasty low budget music video.

ABC is also making great use of its favorite attention grabber...the swimwear contest...in order to keep viewers from switching over to watch Gossip Girl instead (and I was tempted!). Obviously, every date needs to involve a hottub, but they went a little far with this doosie of a date...snow skiing down the streets of San Francisco. This really looked like a disaster (or an ice burn) waiting to happen, but somehow even the worst of skiers managed to make it through unscathed.

So, while Ben disappoints, ABC is relying on some brewing cat fights to keep the audience interested. But I'm already more interested in next season, which apparently will star Emily Maynard. Months have passed since Emily and Brad Womack called it quits and she's ready to find love.

We'll see what Ben and the gals have in store for us next week. They'll be heading to Puerto Rico and I'm praying things getting a little more dramatic. If nothing else, this show provides us with some great vacation ideas! I already have plans in the works to head to Napa and Park City (where they were this week).

Adios amigos,
Beth

A Night of Firsts

This week, the eighteen ladies joined Ben in his hometown of Sonoma for “A Night of Firsts” full of criers (3) and kisses (4).

First Date:

Cute as a button southerner, Kasey, got the first one-on-one date with Ben…a romantic stroll through the town of Sonoma. They visited little shops, they dined together, they paraded down the center of the street while Kasey twirled the baton. She claimed she did it when she was little. Semi true. She twirled the baton when she was little...

and in high school and in college for the University of Tennessee. My friend suggested I make a joke about Kasey's skill in handling long, hard, poles, but she's so cute, I can't do it. Well, I kinda' did.

Anyway, to complete the perfect first date, Kasey got the...





First Kiss:

The first real kiss went to Kasey the majorette, but a number of other Bachelorettes checked first kiss off of their list this week too, including Jennifer Rabbit (sounds like Jessica and she has red hair), Blakeley the “VIP cocktail waitress” and Courtney the model. Sidenote on Courtney the model (who isn't as nice as she pretends to Ben). She used to date the hot gardener who Gabby Solice had an affair with on the first season of Desperate Housewives. See proof.

First Group Date:

This date was kind of shitty, but like all dates, the girls had to squeal with delight as Ben announced that they would be putting on a play written by a bunch of third-graders. They spent their entire day auditioning and preparing for a performance of the play for the townsfolk of Sonoma. Bad date. And this comes from a girl who believes her true calling in life is the stage. Mom…”Imaginating Dramatics”…not gonna’ let that lost opportunity go.

First Swimming Pool “Chicken Fight”:
This is a big event of every Bachelor and Bachelorette season. The girls hop into their teenie weenie bikinis while fighting on each others' shoulders in the pool. Meanwhile, the Bachelor has the opportunity to check out all of the merchandise.

First Hot Tub Kiss:

This only happened because Ben’s conversation with Jennifer Rabbit the red head, was so dull that he had to end it as soon as possible with a kiss. Here's what they talked about...


Ben: Did you have a good time today?
Jennifer Rabbit: Yeah, I had a good time today.
Ben: I’m glad you had a good time today
Jennifer Rabbit: Yeah, I’m glad I had a good time today
Ben: I’m glad you’re glad you had a good time today.

Kiss her and make it stop!

First Ben "Betrayal":

Five minutes after Ben was avoiding conversation with Jennifer Rabbit with a game of tonsil hockey in the hot tub, he played the same game with Blakeley in the swimming pool. Jennifer Rabbit saw it all unfold, which sent her into a fit of tears, questioning their connection (my favorite over-used Bachelor/Bachelorette word). No worries, Jennifer Rabbit made it through for another round of craziness.

First Group Date Rose:
Apparently Blakely was the better kisser ‘cause she went home with the group date rose. Ben awarded the prize by saying that the rose went to the girl who “...really owned the day and the night (I bet!) and I felt made the most of her time with me in conversation." By the way, the only conversation that was aired between the two of them was about how well endowed she is.

First Repeat Rose Ceremony Breakdown:

I’m not sure why Jenna was crying…at least before she got kicked off. And you should have seen the tears when she got kicked off. “Are you kidding me right now? I’m shocked! I’m mortified.”

Jenna should have been crying because she made a complete ass of herself during her one-on-one time with Ben. Once again, she strung just a whole bunch of words together that aren’t really supposed to go together in that order. And I quote, this is what she said…

"If anything like I I am really thankful that you gave me another chance after the first night. And…I, I might wanna’ be honest a little bit. I just feel like ya know…(long pause)…I feel like I’m a guy in how I act and so like being around girls all the time, this is very abnormal for me. And what people saaaay…. And I don’t want you to think that I’m not, ‘cause I might appear as if I’m not (long pause)…it’s I mean it’s hard there’s only you, so it’s like waiting around for you and it’s totally worth it, but I just…I’m not like a girl, if that makes any sense."

It doesn't. Make any. Sense. All Ben said was, “I appreciate that.” But what he was thinking was, “Ooook, well, I’m looking for a girl, so, if that makes any sense, you’re out.” And then he was rescued by another Bachelorette, who whisked him away for normal conversation.

Needless to say, Jenna didn't make it past this rose ceremony. Neither did a girl I don't think I had seen before who had blonde hair on top and black hair underneath. It was a look. Not a good look. Just a look.

Next week the girls are heading a little south to San Francisco, where they will apparently be joined by Ben's ex-girlfriend. Yay!

Until next week,
Beth

Bachelor Ben Premiere: Bachelor Superlatives!

Welcome to a new season of The Bachelor! Ben the winemaker has healed from his heartache over Ashley and is now thankful that meeting her helped him to open his heart to love, to kiss prettier girls, and to bring more business to his winery (as I’m certain flocks of Bachelor devotees will make a pilgrimage there. Who wants to go to Sonoma with me!?!). If this doesn’t work out for Ben, we can expect to see him on my other favorite dating show, “The Millionaire Matchmaker,” sometime in the near future.

This post is quite a bit delayed, as I just returned from a week at sea, cruising in the new year with some great company. While on board, I discovered what the best part of cruises is. It’s the formal school picture booths that are set up at dinner time. For families cruising together, this is a great opportunity to get an annual photo. But for a single gal without the need for a portrait of herself to hang above the fireplace, it’s an amazing opportunity to take the most ridiculous photos possible using the hilarious scenery they set up.

Now, while some of the photographers got to know and enjoy my nightly game, others…not so amused. For example, Sergio from Russia…not too happy with me for using his sea-themed props for this shot I like to call, “She's the Catch of the Day.” I wish I could show you more, but due to surveillance cameras, we had to be stealth about taking this photo of a photo (totally against the rules, which were posted everywhere). My friend’s dad helped me to snap this shot, and my favorite part is his hands covering up the pic.

The next night, dreams came true, when I spotted a set with a piano, some sort of castle background and…a single red rose. Helloooooo Bachelorette photo shoot! I hope you enjoy these cheesy Bachelor-inspired shots.

As all Bachelor fans know, this first episode is when we watch a parade of 25 lovely ladies step out of a limo and try to charm the Bachelor in about 30 seconds, hoping to win more time together, and that oh-so-important “first impression rose.” Personally, I wouldn’t want anything to do with that first rose, as it makes the winner instant shark bait in the sea of desperate bachelorettes.

As we make our way tonight from 25 winemaker wife hopefuls to 18 over the course of a cocktail hour, I thought we could start a new Bachelor Premiere tradition to introduce you to the ladies…high school yearbook style…Bachelor Superlatives. Here we go…

Worst Dressed: Erika from Chicago takes the cake with this get-up she stole from the Ice Capades costume closet.

Worst Introduction: Also goes to Erika. And here's what she said. “My name is Erika. I am a law student from the Chicago area. The verdict is in and you are guilty…guilty of being sexy.” (Makes “click click” noise with tongue while shooting Ben with gun fingers)

Most Clever Introduction: Amber who introduces herself briefly heads inside and comes right back a second time. “Just in case you don’t believe in love at first sight, here’s your second chance.” Apparently Ben didn’t appreciate this joke, or the beautiful girl who said it, and he sent her home crying, wondering what she did wrong.

Most Insecure Bachelorette: Jenna’s introduction went like this… “I have to say, I loved what you said last season…that good things end badly.” Nope, that’s not what he said. Ben then correctly quoted himself. She was embarrassed and agonized over it until a conflict with the bully of the group (Monica, her award is forthcoming) distracts her. That is, until Jenna had the worst one-on-one time ever. Whatever she said made zero sense. But in some inexplicable way, it was endearing enough to win her a rose that evening. Ben probably wouldn’t have made that decision if he had heard her mental breakdown when she was talking to herself and sobbing in the bathroom.

Cockiest Bachelorette: Courtney the model from Cali. “Hey Cutie Pie. Come here often? I love your hair.” (runs fingers through his hair) Previews show she’s a witch and stirs up a lot of drama in the house. Courtney’s a little over-confident, not realizing that all of these women are model-gorgeous too…they just happen to have gone to college.

Dumbest Bachelorette: Samantha, the beauty queen. Well, if “Miss Pacific Palisades” counts. “Hi, I’m Samantha. I’m Miss Pacific Palisades. I don’t actually know how this happened (Huh? You don’t remember prancing on stage to win the title?) and I don’t have the answer to world peace either (or what the square root of 9 is) but I’m more than just a pageant girl (soooo…why did you lead with that foot?) and I’m sure you’re more than just the Bachelor (Nope. That’s it. Just the Bachelor). Perfect! (high-fives Ben) Awesome!”

Most Seemingly Normal Bachelorette: Jamie. “I don’t have anything cute or corny to tell you, but, (shrugging) I’m Jamie.”

Most Enviable Introduction: Brittney the Medical Sales Rep brought her really sweet and normal grandma along (who is on crutches with a broken foot for bonus points) to both confuse Ben (when Grandma steps out of the limo) and delight him (when Grandma says she would like him to meet her beautiful Granddaughter) while explaining their shared love of family.

Most Memorable Introduction: Lindzi (yes, I am spelling her name "correctly"), an equestrian, rode in on her horse, who she said was named “First Impression Rose.” This scheme won her comments from the other girls including, “Screw you and the horse you rode in on,” from the cocky model. They’re just jealous they didn’t get the first impression rose like Lindzi did!

Potentially Weirdest Bachelorette: Blakeley. Remember Casey from Ali’s season? The guy who was so intent on “guarding and protecting” Ali’s heart that he actually tattooed a big ugly shield and rose on his arm? Well, Ali kicked him to the curb the day he got inked (duh) and he went on to date Vienna, Jake Pavelka’s ex-fiance. Well, assuming that won’t work out, I found the girl for Casey. Blakeley the "VIP" cocktail waitress (she used to be a Hooters girl) has inked her entire forearm with a heart and a key to her heart, along with the words, “Love is Patient, Love is Kind."

Also, please note, that when I did a google search for a picture of Blakeley, some nearly nudie tudie Maxim pictures popped up. Nowwww I know what a VIP cocktail waitress means!

Most Sexually Confused Bachelorette: Monica, who decided she was more interested in Blakeley than in Ben. They both ended up with roses, so we'll see which relationship develops.

So, there you have it, some highlights from the premiere. Let's see what trouble these girls (who are already cat-fighting) will get into tomorrow evening. And as the previews show, we have some excellent breakdowns coming for our viewing pleasure, along with some fun travel and (crossing my fingers this isn't the case) a Bachelor being rejected as he offers the final rose.

Thanks for joining me as the drama unfolds!
Beth

Wine-Maker, Wine -Maker, Make Him a Match!

Well, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. And no, I don’t mean the Holidays, when we celebrate family, friends and God’s greatest gift…I mean, it’s time for a new season of the Bachelor! A time when we celebrate spending the next ten Mondays laughing and crying with 25 crazy ladies and the one "lucky" man!

I’ll be on a cruise during the big Jan 2nd premiere, but it's a Carnival ship, so basically it’s a floating Bachelor/Bachelorette episode.

So, until I return from my trip and catch up on what I missed, let’s kick things off with a little pre-season Bachelor-land update.

This season’s Bachelor is none other than wine-maker Ben Flajnak, our favorite Josh Groban look-alike (and no, this picture is not acceptable).

When we last saw Ben he was piiiiiiissed that Ashley picked JP and rejected his proposal while on bended-knee. But, as I pointed out, he was in the better position…likely able to seize the opportunity to become the Bachelor and pick a less-obnoxious woman.

I’m sure ABC threw some quality gals into his lot of 25 hopefuls, but from the looks of the previews, they also threw in Ben’s fair share of doosies. Lots of crazies who have decided they are in love with Ben (well, in love with the idea of owning a winery and living in Sonoma) before even meeting him.

Who knows how this adventure will turn out for Ben, and although the dismal track record, I always hold out a little hope that it turns out well. But what I do know for sure is that we’re going to have a great time!

How do I know this? Because of previews like this one that remind me of how empty and meaningless my Monday evenings have been since having to say goodbye to the crazy coeds on “The Bachelor Pad.” And did you watch that show? ‘Cause it was fantastic.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5H4nf9XPEY&feature=related

And if you really want to get into the Bachelor spirit, here’s an extended promo.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2EUJs7_9Dj4

In other Bachelor-land news, Ali and Roberto have called it quits. This comes as a shock after they postponed their wedding 13.5 times.
Vienna and Casey, my (least) favorite Bachelor Pad-ers, have also broken up.
But thanks be to the Reality TV Gods, they will be appearing on a show called “Couples Therapy” on VH1 to try to work out their issues. Who votes it’s a fake breakup just to get back on TV!?! Me, me, me, me!

I will not be watching that ridiculousness. My reality TV heart is reserved for the Bachelor…and “Dance Moms,” but that’s another story.

Until next time, wishing you a very merry Christmas and a safe and happy new year!

Beth

The Bachelorette Week 10: The Final Rose

And the winner is…JP!

But you know that because that was Monday. And today is Wednesday. I'm slow as molasses.

I, like Ben, was surprised. I thought it was winemaker Ben’s proposal that Ashley was going to accept. Ben thought so, too. He was obnoxiously confident going into the rose ceremony and was not pleased with Ashley when she said no. In fact, he was a jerk. And a dumb jerk at that.

What he should have realized is that being the runner-up is actually like winning the reality tv lottery. The runner up gets to be the next Bachelor and actually pick a girl he really does like! I'm afraid Ben might have blown that chance. And yes, in the picture below, Ben does have his hair inexplicably shaved underneath his wavy locks.

But I really shouldn't be too hard on him for being upset and confused. Only the day before, Ashley took Ben to a healing mud bath for their final date. There, they stripped down to their swim suits and slathered the mud all over each other. Ashley even made a joke about wishing she could apply mud to his nether-regions.
And after cleaning off and returning to the fantasy suite, Ben told Ashley he loved her and she responded quite favorably with a make-out session. I’m sure that all of this was really fun for JP to watch on Monday night!

So why did Ashley pick JP? "Burning passion." That’s why. When describing the men that she would be introducing to her family, Ashley mentioned the “burning passion” she has for JP. While Ben was described as fun, outgoing, goofy and successful. Her heart vs. her head. She chose her heart.
Another reason Ben was thrown for a loop is that, despite the fact that Ashley was ready to accept a proposal, just two days before she admitted she didn’t know who she wanted it to come from. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think this bodes well for the long-term success of Ashley’s relationship with JP. And I quote…

Ashley’s Sister: Are you in love?
Ashley: Yes
Ashley’s Sister: Are you ready to get engaged?
Ashley: Yes
Ashley’s Sister: Do you have your mind made up?
Ashley: No

Side story about Ashley’s sister, Chrystie. A newly single mother, she was recently on an episode of "Extreme Couponing" and writes the blog: ilovetogossip.com about extreme couponing.
Don't know what extreme couponing is? Well, Chrystie will tell you a little about it in this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRkWnOGzkdw

So anyway, Chrystie didn't like JP and Ashley together. I’m not sure why and she had me thoroughly confused when she told Ashley that she was thinking about the logistics of the relationship.

I don’t know how, logistically speaking, she thought a relationship with Ben (who lives in California) made more sense than a relationship with JP (who lives in New York) for Ashley (who lives in Philadelphia). Philly to NYC = 2 hour drive. Philly to California = 6 hour flight.

Moving on…

Despite being a Ben fan all season, there was a distinct moment in this episode when I realized, oh no, he’s not the one. And it was when he went ring “shopping.” Of course, he was only “shopping” because he used Monopoly money to “buy” Ashley’s ring. And Park Place and Boardwalk.
Sex and the City fans. Remember when Aiden is showering and Carrie rummages through his duffle bag and finds an engagement ring? A really ugly engagement ring? And Carrie runs over to the sink to throw up?

Well, that’s all I could think of when Ben was ring “shopping” with Neil Lane. He picked the most over-the-top, bedazzled “My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding” ring I have ever seen. Nothing about that ring screamed Ashley. It was puke-in-the-sink worthy.

But JP’s choice?
That was the ring that Samantha helped Aiden pick out to replace the yucky one. The ring that got Carrie Bradshaw to say “yes.”
Now, remember. Despite the fact that Carrie said yes to Aiden’s proposal…they never made it to the altar. I wish better things for Ashley and JP, and am encouraged by the fact that Ashley is moving to New York to be with him, but the Bachelor/Bachelorette track record ain't so good.

But when they do break up, they can join the likes of Jake, Vienna and Casey on...the Bachelor Pad!!!
Woohoo! And it all starts next week!

What I'm most excited about on this season of the Bachelor Pad is that Ames will be on it, which will be great for two reasons.

1: He doesn't have a mean bone in his body, so a game about using and abusing people to win $250,000 will be hiliarous. He'll probably just offer to give people 250 grand from his trust fund if they'll please stop fighting.

And 2: I think Ames gets a girlfriend! Yeah for Ames!


Well, it's been fun, friends. See you next season...bound to be the most dramatic season ever!

Beth

The Bachelorette Week 9: Fantasy Fiji

Ok, remember Solar Power Ryan? Remember how he was shocked when Ashley let him go. He was the only one who didn't see it coming; the only who who didn't see that they were lacking any chemistry. Well, Ryan didn’t feel like he and Ashley got a fair shake at love, so he called Chris Harrison and scored a free trip to Fiji in return for another broken heart.

Ashley arrived in Fiji for a week of romantic dates with Ben, JP and Constantine. But surprise, Ryan knocked on Ashley’s door, having traveled from California to see her again. He recited the speech he had rehearsed on his long journey to Fiji, asking her to spend some time with him in the next couple days, to see if a spark was still there. (Spark? What spark?) He asked her not to give him an answer right then and there, but to let him know if she wants to hang out.

So, he spent the next two days spying on Ashley as she went on dates with the guys she is attracted to.

The first slumber party in Fiji was with Ben. But before they could retire to their fantasy suite, they snuggled and slathered sunscreen all over each other (see photo, viewer discretion advised) on a beautiful yacht.


After cleaning up they were off to a dinner, where Ben said he was on his way to “the whole I love you thing.” As if Ben hadn’t already earned his fantasy suite card, that did it, and the two scurried off to the room. There, they hopped into the pool and Ashley got to use the underwater leg wraparound technique for the first time this season (but not the last!). She wore her second bathing suit of the day, but you know what they say, “Two swimsuits, one rose, one stays…nah, both go.” And Ben carried her away to the bedroom. End scene. At least, that’s an end to what we could see.

“Greek God” Constantine’s Fiji date was next. And since they hadn’t even French kissed yet, I was interested in seeing how this fantasy suite thing would develop. Their date included a Bachelor/Bachelorette staple…a helicopter ride. After taking to the air, they took to the water, jumping into a beautiful waterfall. But what Constantine won’t jump into is this relationship with Ashley.

Ashley noted that Constantine doesn’t make decisions quickly; he takes his time. For example, he looked at 102 houses before choosing one to buy. I found my house in 3 hours. Ashley's looking for a guy who house shops like me. A guy who thinks she’s a steal and is ready to hand over that down payment without looking any further. There’s likely going to be a better house going on the market soon, but it’s just not worth the wait and you can always remodel that flat chest, I mean, ugly bathroom.

Ashley confronted Constantine about his lack of desire to even put an offer in on the house. Constantine admitted that yes, he doesn’t even need another showing…he’s gonna’ keep house hunting. So Constantine bid Ashley adieu before she had the chance to offer him the fantasy suite card.

Meanwhile, Ryan was waiting to see if Ashley would give him a second chance. She knocked on Ryan’s door the next day and he could feel it, this was it. Unfortunately for Ryan, it wasn’t. Ashley reiterated to him that he’s perfect on paper but the passion is simply not there. And then she rubbed it in by telling him that she has that passion with someone else...two people, actually. And she's sooooo happy. So Ryan was sent home, his Fiji Fantasy Suite only a...well, fantasy.

Once that was taken care of, Ashley could continue with her final overnight date. It was JP’s turn for some x’s and o’s, which he received in the air (float plane) and sea (wading in the ocean). JP also got his turn with the underwater leg wraparound. It’s only fair. And because everyone knows how much I love calling out that signature Bachelorette move, at that moment a friend sent me a text saying, “Underwater Leg Wraparound!!!”

As the evening progressed, Ashley and JP made their way to the fantasy suite, where Ashley changed into a see-through night shirt. Then ABC excused themselves from the fantasy suite.

The next day, Chris Harrison and Ashley rehashed the events of the week. Ashley "...the most important thing I learned was, even at this stage, people can have a change of heart. Or people can realize that, you know, they're not ready to take the plunge, they're not ready to get engaged. Even. At. This. Point." Ashley, it's been two months! Only the normal guys aren't ready to get engaged. Even. At. This. Point.

"Next week I'm going to be engaged...hopefully. So, I think I need to find out sooner or later if the guys feel like they are ready for that with me." Oh, Ashley, Ashley, Ashley. I really hope for her that she finds lasting love with Ben or JP, but I see her choosing the guy who convinces her that they are more ready for an engagement, regardless of whether or not it will end in a happily ever after.

This can't be a recipe for success. But we'll find out next week on the season finale followed by "After the Final Rose." Before then, we have the bonus of the "Men tell all" on Sunday. The best part? Bentley will be there!

Until next week!
Beth

The Bachlorette Week 8: Hometown Dates with "Assley"

It’s hometown date week with our final four: Constantine, Ames, JP and Ben.


Hometown 1: Constantine’s Cumming, Georgia

Upon arriving in Georgia, Constantine took Ashley to his family’s Greek-inspired Italian American restaurant, where they made a pizza. Clearly in his element, Constatine showed his cute personality for the first time this season. The best part was the gaggle of waitresses who were spying on the pair as they shared a kiss on the restaurant patio. Awwwww.

Next it was off to Constantine’s Big Fat Greek family’s house for another meal. At first Constantine’s Greek family was small…just mom, dad, sister and a toy poodle in a dress. But then the flood gates opened and there were Greeks coming out of the woodwork, which made for an awesome dance party.


Ashley’s dancing skills impressed Constantine’s family, particularly his father, who would be delighted to have “Assley” become an honorary Greek family member. Considering Ashley loves to flaunt her…assets…this new nickname couldn’t be more appropriate.


Hometown 2: Ames’ Estate in Chadds Ford, Pensylvania

Ok, so, Ames grew up in a postcard. A beautiful property with horses and a river running through it. But it wasn't enough to woo Ashley.

While lounging in the indoor pool, Ames’ sister immediately got to the punch. Ames likes Ashley, but Ashley doesn’t like Ames (at least in THAT way). Asking Ashley how she feels about her brother, Ashley was very honest with Ames’ sister saying, yeah, I’m not there yet, but he’s an interesting guy and I want to get to know him better. Clearly, there is no spark, and I don’t see the passion appearing out of nowhere. But sister Serena did leave Ames with excellent advice…to step up the romance.

So, he did. He packed a gourmet picnic and took Ashley to a beautiful magnolia tree. It was lovely and Ames is so clearly a very special, very unique, very kind, very intelligent person…who happens to be a bad kisser. Done.


Post-picnic the pair took a horse-drawn carriage ride through the woods in an antique carriage. It was exactly like a scene from “The First Knight” as Guinevere is being delivered to Arthur. Wanna’ know how that ends up? Arthur is brilliant, he’s a leader, and he’s a king. He can give Guinevere anything she’s ever wanted for, except for passion. So she chooses Lancelot…she chooses lust. I’m afraid Ames is the Arthur in this fairytale. Who will be Lancelot? We’ll see!


Hometown #3: Winemaker Ben’s Sonoma, California

Another picture-perfect setting for a hometown date…Ben’s winery, where they thieved wine directly from Ben’s barrels before heading to Ben’s mother’s house. Good thing they were drinking because Ben freaked Ashley out before the trip home to meet mama, telling her that his mother and sister’s opinions are deal breaks. And let me tell ya, despite the fact that Ben’s sister signed him up for this show, she was a tough nut to crack.


I’m willing to place some bets that Ben is our Lancelot. And not just because of his Richard Gere hair.

Hometown #4: JP’s Roslyn, New York

From sea to shining sea. Ashley headed east to meet JP’s mama, but not until after their super rad 80’s roller skating date. Empty rink + disco ball + cheesy music + wine in paper cups = 7th grade make out session.

As we’ve learned before, JP has had his heart broken (badly) in the past. And he’s willing to risk heartbreak again for the chance at love with Ashley. But JP’s mama isn’t so sure…she doesn’t want to see her son destroyed again. So, she sat Ashley down and laid on the guilt trip…real thick.


In the end, it was no surprise that King Arthur (Ames) was sent home. And he exited the show with the poise and charm (and stiffness) that we have come to expect from (and love about) Ames. Ames wants to find love, and share his adventurous spirit with a wonderful woman. You'll find her, Ames. I'm sure of it!

Unfortunately he just isn't going to find her in Fiji, where Lancelot and the rest of the Knights of the Round Table will enjoy overnight dates and hot tub time with "Assley" next week.

But it looks as though Ashley has more drama headed her way before this fairy tale finds its happy ending. A return from a surprise bachelor and some tough love from a heavily tattooed sister.

See you in Figi!

Beth